To Those of You that Have Been Sending Me Pictures of Quadruple Peanuts

When I first set out on my quest to catalogue and celebrate the triple peanut, I never imagined a day when I would have to write this particular post. After all, mine was a pleasant pursuit. A hearty sendup of that most lighthearted and fancy-free of legumes. But like all good things, my carefree romp through the world of the Triple would not go unsullied by the cold heart of man and his voracious love of all things prurient and unwholesome. I am of course talking about that most lascivious of grotesqueries, the quadruple peanut.

To those of you that have been sending me pictures of quarduple peanuts, I must insist that you stop immediately. The quadruple peanut is an abomination and has no place here. Not now, not ever. To think that I would besmirch these hallowed pages explicitly dedicated to recording the Virtuous Triple with something so base and ribald as a quadruple peanut is laughable. Your insinuations that I would do so are insult of the highest order and one that I assure you will not be taken lightly.

Honestly, I cannot even imagine what sort of perverse pleasure one could get from a quadruple peanut. So opulent. So unrefined. It is the height of bad taste. When I compare the smooth, rolling curves of a triple peanut to the lumpy, unseemly protrusions of a quadruple, I simply fail to understand how one could choose to associate themselves with the latter when armed with knowledge of the existence of the former.

Quadruple peanuts have no elegance. There's no propriety in their construction. They are simply crammed to the gills with as many nuts as can fit in one pea. Does an Aston Martin have 28 cupholders? No, it does not. If you are lucky enough to ride in one, you will politely hold your drink in your lap and be mindful not to slurp when you near the bottom. Such is the way with the triple peanut. It demands careful consideration and nuanced appreciation. It is mysterious and beautiful and joyful. And it is here, in this small, safe corner of the Internet, that it shall live forever, unfettered by it's gnarled, mutant quadruple cousin.

Thank you and good day.

Corey J.

If you have come across any triple peanuts in your own travels and would like to see them displayed here, please send them to CJFarris@gmail.com